Crazy Month

This month has felt nuts. The girls are great. Kayden is having sporadic growing pains. Rubbing her legs and putting her in a warm bath seems to temporarily help. She usually wakes up in the middle of the night, and the cramps are so bad that she cries :-(. She's a tough kiddo, so I'm sure it hurts. I remember my growing pains being terrible, and John had horrible growing pains. She's eating a ton, and she really has the cutest sassy little personality. My favorite thing about her is that she has a huge heart. Last night, she kept saying that she didn't want Kylee to sleep in her room with her, and that she wanted to sleep in her bed by herself. No more than 10 minutes after she was in her room, she came out and asked Kylee if she was going to be quiet if she let her sleep in her room. Of course Kylee said she would, and Kayden asked her to come and sleep with her. I LOVE how much they love each other.

Kylee is talking a blue streak. She really has been speaking in sentences for about a year or more, but she really is funny now. I got up this morning, and she said "Now, why are you getting up?", and she turned her little hand up and cocked her head to the side. She's shy about talking around other people, and she even takes a LONG time to warm up to family. Finally, all of her teeth have cut her gums. I think the only ones that are not actually "in" are her top teeth after her canines. Not having all her teeth all the way in certainly doesn't stop her from eating. Her favorite thing to eat ALL the time is a Honey Bun. She calls them "Honey Bunnies". We slowly but steadily have weaned her off of her sippy cup. She doesn't need to drink anything to go to sleep at night, and I (and my dentist bill) am grateful for that. She's now drinking out of a big girl cup all of the time, and she doesn't have a problem with it at all. Whew.

Both girls wear "night time panties" a.k.a. pull-ups at night. I'm not sure why Kayden still has accidents. At this point if we remind her to use the restroom before she goes to bed and during the night, she usually doesn't have an accident. I still have her wear her night time panties at night, though. If not, my washer and dryer would get a workout! Kylee is still wearing them at night, but there have been quite a few nights that she wakes up dry lately. Maybe there IS light at the end of the potty tunnel!

Kayden is getting to where she loves to pick out her own clothes, and if I were to have picked out the same thing, she wouldn't wear it ;-). Echoes of my childhood and teenage years, for sure. I don't mind at all, though. She needs to have the freedom to figure out her own little style. Pretty neat.


John went and got a physical, and everything came out fine. I was surprised, I have to say, because of how much he smokes. I'm glad he's so healthy.

As for me, I ran my marathon. It was the most incredible experience. The last quarter of the race forces you to dig deep into who you are as a person. Training or not, at that point it is up to you and God. It is spiritual, for sure. Your legs are done. They have made the transition from tired to exhausted to numb to shear pain. Every step tests what you are "made of". It's not for the weak of mind, that's for sure. You have to override the natural instinct to protect yourself and stop running. When I finished, the first thing I wanted to do was plan my next marathon. I'm in recovery right now, and my first recovery run will be today. I need to strengthen my hamstrings. That group of three muscles is really the only group that was killing me in the days after. I highly recommend that everyone tries to complete a marathon at some point. The life lessons learned in that 3 to 4 hours are invaluable, and there is no way to describe it.



So that brings me to Christmas. I. Can't. WAIT! Kayden is getting a DSi this year, and she is going to freak out. It was a last-minute thing that she asked for. In fact, we didn't realize she was serious about it until this picture that John took of the white board in her class room:

A Reminder

Romans 5:1-11

Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. (2) Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. (3) We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us---they help us learn to endure. (4) And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation. (5) And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love. (6) When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. (7) Now, no one is likely to die for a good person, though someone might be willing to die for a person who is especially good. (8) But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (9) And since we have been made right in God's sight by the blood of Christ, He will certainly save us from God's judgment. (10) For since we were restored to friendship with God by the death of His Son while we were still His enemies, we will certainly be delivered from eternal punishment by His life. (11) So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God---all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done for us in making us friends of God.

I saw BELLA!

Kelli made the outfit she is wearing. I got to hold her, too, neee ner nee ner! The hospital was taking pictures when I walked in, so the timing couldn't have been perfect for me to take a few of my own. We're going to go back tonight with the girls to see her, again. She is beautiful, Mr. and Mrs. Thompson, just beautiful :-)

The "C word".

My new Brother-in-Law, Jason, has cancer. It is one stage away from aggressive. I have all the faith in the world that he will beat this. Please say a prayer.

Saturday Morning

Today is a good day :-) I have my little urchins destroying the house, and Dora chanting to me about sticky tape. It's chilly outside and I'm drinking coffee. We're discussing what everyone needs to be for Halloween, between eating french toast and feeding Stella pretzels. She, by the way, will be a lady bug.

We are going to go on a costume-finding mission today. John is hunting, so we pretty much can do what we want. I am also going to try and get Kayden's bed moved into the middle bedroom. Her room is going to be pink, black and white... not really Paris-y or Poodle-y, but it should turn out how she wants. I'll have to post pictures of the finished product. We got her a flat screen for her birthday, and that room has the U Verse. So, I'm going to work on the parental controls on the tv and some wall painting... today... I think.

Kayden can count, or "skip count" as she says, by 5s and 10s. Even though her teacher doesn't impress me, she's learning. Kylee is learning how to be a bully. I'm thinking it has to do with the fact that she's one of three girls in a room of 12 kiddos. Hopefully, it's not her nature and it will go away... girlfriend and I will have to go toe-to-toe!

I mounted my blades to my boots last week, but didn't go and have them sharpened. The man that is doing it is a coach and Southwestern Regionals are at his rink. I figured I'd give him the duration of the competition and then bug the heck out of him.

Kayden had her 5th birthday party at the bowling alley last weekend, and it was a hit!

She got tons of clothes, the flat screen I mentioned, Barbie stuff and I think one or two Hannah Montana things... it was hard to keep track. She had a Bratz cake, which was random. She's not a Bratz fan, so I think it was because there were cute little girly toys on it. Here are some pictures.... I can't believe we own a 5-year-old. She's a rock star.

FREAKING BLADES, DUDE!

I am so flipping excited that I don't know what to do.

I got my blades in last night. I haven't skated in forever, but I want to get back out there. Mostly, because I have the opportunity now, and I just love it. I can't believe I allowed myself to be off the ice this long. It's part of my DNA. I am not joking.

SOOOOO, there is a rink right down the road from my work. I walked in today to ask when the freestyle sessions were. I got to talking to what I have surmised was the coaching or staff manager, and she offered me a job to teach little ones on Tuesday evening and on Saturday afternoon. I won't be paid, but I will get free ice time, and I am IN HEAVEN. I can go skate during lunch, and it will be dead.... meaning, that no one will more than likely be on the ice, but me... every skater's dream. Normally, ice time is 7 dollars every 30 minutes.

The man that will sharpen my blades is supposed to call me today, when he comes in. You can't let just anyone sharpen the type of blades that I have. There is a rocker that would get flattened in the wrong hands, and it would be dangerous for an uneven sharpening.

My hands are shaking. Adrenaline.

I'll be on the ice again, soon. I'll be able to take my girls.

I am working closer to coming full-circle. The fog of my depression gets lighter and lighter to reveal the most beautiful life. I am so grateful. I have been meaning to blog about my depression. I believe that I now, and will from now on, have the upper-hand. I was diagnosed a few years ago as clinically depressed. SURPRISE! that's quite hilarious... it's like "ok, finally... geez"... sometimes it just takes you to hit whatever bottom is for you. Thankfully, it was only emotional, and not physically destructive. Some people aren't so lucky... more about all of that later....

Since then, I have started to come out of the nasty depths of it all and live. It's baby steps, I tell you. Never would I have had the confidence to walk into that place and strike up a conversation with those two women that I chatted with today about skating. Some may say, "uh, yes you would... you talk to everyone".... well, that's the thing. I would have talked and it would have been over and I would have walked out with sharpened skates and that's it. I actually had the confidence to smile and ask questions and laugh.... wow, a genuine laugh is so taken for granted... and I walked out with an opportunity....

I am fired-up. Hopefully, it will work out, and I can take the girls and John skating. They can get to know that part of me. Even John has never seen me skate. I was good, but we'll see how it goes. If nothing else, it's calming.

I also need prayer, and I can't speak of why at the moment. I have been informed that someone I know is going through a horrible time right now, and it will most surely only get worse. So, please, pray for healing and love and life for those that I know and love.

Semantics...

Jesus doesn't give two flips about semantics. I posted on Facebook today that everyone should be happy, and I mean that. It's not hard. It's a choice. Maybe I should say positive. Would that be easier to understand? I get put-off by people that I hear complaining about this and that... I commented to John just the other day that my blisters on my feet hurt, but I was really glad that I had feet to gripe about. I mean, really. If your job sucks, go get a new one. If it takes a while to get a new one, at least you weren't at the one that sucked, right?

If your life sucks, get a new one, or look at yours from a different perspective. Choose for it to be a good life. It is NEVER that bad.

If you feel sorry for yourself, think of the girls in third-world countries that are castrated. Shocking imagery, I know, but geez. What does it take for people to be grateful.

Sound like a rant? I guess it is. I hear too many people being too negative, so I had to rant... and share... and just make a general "grow up, people" statement.

Quick picking on each other. Quit labeling and judging. Who cares if you had to work late. You have a job. Who cares if someone cut you off while you were driving. YOU ARE DRIVING, meaning that you're not blind or paralyzed... whatever it may be... Just relax people.

Life is a blessing. Too many people have been taken from me recently or the threat has been there for me not to have a perspective shift. It was always on the positive side. Want to know where all that comes from? Ask me. I don't talk about it anymore, but it is where all of this positive thinking started.

Life is a choice. All of it is. Choose to be happy or not. I won't list all the synonyms for happy and their connotations and associations, but the point is what matters.

STELLLLAAAAAH

Here's a picture of Stella from this morning. I keep forgetting to upload a picture of her, so here it is.

Cheerleading is a sport. And it's getting scary.

So, I read this article. I cheered in Jr. High and High School, and I was a base. I had guns to prove it. I think the only person that could stunt with me was the guy on our team, Danny. I was heavy.. ugh. Anyway, this article highlights the danger that cheerleaders deal with constantly. We weren't competitive squads, but we did stunts. And, we got hurt. Melinda tore her ACL. Cassie landed tailbone-first on my face and bloodied my nose. In a separate incident, my back cracked and I dropped Melinda during our practice for our Freshman Homecoming cheer. I was taken to the hospital lights and sirens. I think I probably milked the drama, because I was annoying that way, but it really did tear up my back. I had a back brace and muscle relaxers for about six months. I think that was either '93 or '94... I think. Anyway, had to vent. AND, one day I may forget those memories.

I have Kayden in ballet, and Kylee will most-likely follow. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought they would end up cheerleaders, but now this makes me really think!

Anyway, here's the article... I think the person that wrote this is being a little melodramatic, although it's a good article. And, man, I'm glad I'm not that annoying anymore...


http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/31/sports/31cheerleader.html?_r=1

Yet, again, I am brought to my knees this morning, Lord. Please be with the Sullivan family today, and give Brady the strength to be the vessel through which the Lord will teach Chloe to be the servant her Mother was. Please wrap his heart with your grace and love, and surround him with all of the comfort and help his family and friends can muster.

http://bandssullivan.blogspot.com/

I do not personally know Brady, but he graduated after me and I learned of their journey through old friends.

Settling...

My soul seems to be settling a bit. It might sound strange, but I feel like my volume is turning down a little, and I'm listening more intently. Is this what happens when you turn 31? I don't know.

The girls are wonderful, and Kayden is almost 5! She is in private kindergarten at her school, and she is learning the most amazing things... like choo choos blow STEAM! This is how that conversation went...

Kayden: "Mommy, Mommy, listen!"

Me: "What, what..?"

Kayden: "This is important."

Me: "Ok." (Staring at her, as she was moving closer to my face.)

- She stops about an inch from my nose, wide-eyed and very serious.

Kayden: "CHOO-CHOOSSSS!" (Punctuated by a hand gesture of the "aha!" variety"

-pause-

...longer pause....

Kayden: "...blow steam..." in an almost inaudible whisper.

I cracked up. I'm not sure where she got it, but I'm thinking she was feeling pretty goofy, because the three of us girls (Kayden, Kylee and me) shared about a minute of belly-laughs. We then proceeded to name all the things that blow steam; not the least of which was Daddy that ended up being the most humorous of all.

Every moment with those two is becoming more and more hilarious. Lord knows we need the laughs. The past couple of months have been fraught with "ups and downs". I lost someone very important to me. She was instrumental in allowing me to have a normal and happy childhood. She died suddenly two years ago, and I just found out. I have had to grieve quietly. My girls are so in tune with my emotions, so I didn't want them to feel how awfully painful it is for me. It think that grief has been the catalyst for my increased introspection, as of late.

I am really focusing on our little family. Not that I wasn't before the past few months, but it is more pronounced as a priority for me. Sometimes we take the rhythm of life as a "given".... We don't realize that every breath is a gift. I am trying to focus on not missing any of it. It could be gone tomorrow, and I am so thankful for today.

My parents pulled an RV up to the lake this summer, so that they would have a nice place to relax when they visited. Not that out house wasn't relaxing or welcoming, but it's nice to not have kiddos attached to your every move. The four of us went out to the lake one weekend, and we made friends with the locals ;-)








That little white blurb in Kayden's arms is our new Maltese, Stella. She's awesome. The breeder was running a mill, I surmised later, because her ears were pretty dirty and she had urine stains on her paws and face. She has since been pampered and groomed. I had to have her shaved down to the skin, but her new coat is going to be gorgeous. She is sportin' a pink cable-knit sweater right now, but I'll take it off when her coat grows out a little more. It's actually coming in pretty fast. I'll have to post a recent picture, soon. She is about 6 months old now, (still waiting on papers - takes FOREVER), and she will be no bigger than about four or five pounds. Hardy tolerates her between accidentally stepping on her and being chased and nipped all over the place, so we at least are sure he won't eat her haha

Aside from all the family awesomeness, I am running more than I ever have in my life. My longest run is 16 miles, to date. I will be running 18 this weekend, so I need super prayers. I ran around the TAMU campus last weekend, and it was tough. The cool thing was that it was raining and somewhat cool... PERFECT running weather. The marathon is on December 13th, and I am just praying that it all goes well and injury-free. I have started a donation site for Ronald McDonald House Charities. The thought was that I would donate a dollar for every mile that I run, and then I figured why not allow others to donate, as well? So, before the marathon, I am going to try and donate as much as I can, and pray that it helps at least one family a little.

I am REALLY going to try and get back in the swing of blogging.... I want to be sure to remember every moment of this wonderful life ;-)

Well, certainly I didn't think it would take THIS long...

... to get back into the swing of blogging. A TON has been going on, and I really think this is the first chance I have had to sit and do nothing... or sort of nothing. I mean, what kind of Mom would I be if I weren't multi-tasking five things, right? Nothing means that I'm making coffee, mac 'n cheese, mashed potatoes, cleaning the kitchen, blogging and uploading... realatively, though, that IS nothing.

So the girls have been sick for the past two days, and they finally took me down with them last night. Kylee is fine, but Kayden's temp is still running a little high today. High for her is 99.5. I think her basal is around 97. Ironically, this is the first weekend that we have been at home in at least a month, so naturally God would force us to relax by being sick, right? Nice. Anyway, at least we get to be here together and relax. And I can catch up on laundry. And clean. And mop. And scrub toilets. But, whatever.

We have been training for a marathon now for about four months. This is the schedule. We are on week 17, so I am running 4 today and 10 tomorrow. I should have been running 10 today, but I had to push it back, since it's not the smartest thing to run with fever. It's interesting what the human body can tolerate. 10 miles might seem horrendous, but it's just a matter of training. Anyone can do it that has even the slightest of motivation. Well, I have been told that I am a running freak, so I guess my take on motivation is relative. We are about to start the "real" schedule. I think the longest we'll have to run is 22 or 23 miles, and the culmination of all of this punishment will be hopefully finishing the White Rock Marathon. I'm excited. I'm not sure that John knew what he was getting into by agreeing to run this with me, but my sneaky plan of hoping it will induce him to slow down on smoking is working slightly. He is still smoking, but he's smoking lites now. Not that lites are really any better, but I'll take every baby step I can get. It's starting to kick him in the butt, whenW we run longer than five miles.

I've also realized that I have Amazon feet. Apparently, for each of your first two children, your foot gains half of a size. I am wearing big shoes. I was wearing a whole size too small for a couple of years it seems, so I am now literally investing in the right running shoes. My shoes also only last me around 300 miles, before my knees start screaming, which is two or three months, give or take. I have a Garmin, a Camelbak, a 4 to 1 carb to protein ratio drink and a stick. Who knew it took so much gear to train for a marathon. It's so worth it, though.

We don't really drink anymore for several reasons. How many partying married couples actually make it? A few, but not the majority. That was the primary reason. The effects of that decision have been multi-fold. Weight loss, energy, productiveness, health, blah blah... I also don't think it would help the training very much. Some of our friends have a hard time understanding, but it's just a decision for us. It's not something that will become an imposition by any means. We could care less what other couples do. I had a glass of wine at Dave and Della's reception, and I woke up hungover the next morning. I don't think my body likes it all that much! We're still fun without it... in fact probably more fun, so it's not something for anyone else to waste time stressing about. We can be around everyone else drinking and it doesn't matter. I think some of our couple friends will understand at some point. I think everyone gets there...

I will add a couple more posts today... One after I get the girls to take a nap, and one after my run, I'm hoping...

Hola.

I have now returned to the blogging world, after an unintended hiatus. I will be posting pics and updates soon. I forgot the dumb camera cable at home, so I can't get anything uploaded right now.

How we roll...

The Daddy Roll
The Mommy Roll
The Toddler Roll
The Big Girl Roll

Blogging via Blackberry... Seriously. Tech stuff makes me giddy. I'm dangerously close to chronic geekdom.

Lunacy.

I think the woman that wrote the article attached to the URL below is a complete lunatic. I would have to go a re-read the entire article again to be sure that I disagree with everything she says, but I think it would piss me off too much. Seriously.

How do you quantify the level of love that you have for your children and husband and dare to compare the two? Those two loves are so polar and yet so visceral it's dangerous to let the two inter-mingle. I will say that I would destroy anyone that even alluded to harming my children in any way, and anyone includes my husband. It's not personal; it's instinctual. However, to think that my husband would even be in that group of "anyone" is absurd. He is phenomenal.

Back to my fury.

Condoms in the bathroom? Why don't you just sit down with "The Joy of Sex" and read it with an outstretched arm to be sure that they take in the pictures. Pan to the right and then to the left to display every angle. Insanity.

I understand being open. I understand wanting to have a great relationship with your kids. I just don't think that counting the number of missing condoms in the bathroom is making the type of connection that is healthy. It's lazy to express the very least of my exasperation at that whole parenting theory.

As a wife, on the other hand, I love my husband unconditionally. I do not withhold showing him precisely how much, based upon how many dishes he washes or how many times he vacuums.

I usually don't comment or blog about articles that I have read. I certainly don't pay much attention to editorials, but this one just blew me away.

See for yourself:

http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1896848,00.html

Giddy mommy

I messed with the HTML in the last post, when I didn't really have enough time to make it look right. I'll fix it later :-)

The point of this post is to POINTE out that I just enrolled Kayden in dance, and I am JAZZED!

Shameless play-on-words intended.

What the HECK happened to my baby!?!

She's two! Here are some pictures from her actual birthday, and then pictures of her party. Her birthday was on the same day as Meghan and Dustin's wedding.

It has been forever ...

... my faithful little blog.

SO much has happened, since I posted last. The most important thing at this juncture is that I finally found a JOB - wahooo! I'm working for Verizon at the National Operations Center. It's pretty neat, to say that least. I will be directly working on the programming that controls the monitoring for the entire network's connectivity, be it data, voice, etc. I am pumped, to say the least. In addition to testing, I will have to write scripts to automate my testing. That is why they brought me in. I know what I'm doing, when it comes to breaking software, and they wanted someone also willing to learn programming and then to build a program to do it automatically... that's me! Hopefully, I'll be able to create my own template for blogger at some point haha. I just don't have the time right now, so I'll be lazy and use someone else's ;-)

I'll be updating more often, now. The past two weeks have been consumed by preparing for this job and then actually being there... Life is settling down a little bit now, so I'll have maybe five minutes of downtime...

At any rate, this whole experience has been life-changing. I work and enjoy just that at it's most visceral. I have a job. That in itself is beyond fortunate to me at this time in our world. I'm not sure I would have even known to be that grateful a year ago. It will probably shape the rest of my career for the better. I am grateful for it.

I am organizing pictures to take up to work, so I will post some from the past few years soon...

THIS is why I am not fond of cats..

I woke up this morning at about 1 a.m. to the most hideous barking I had ever heard Hardy produce. He started in the back of the house and moved to the side next to the bedrooms. I was just certain by the second round of barking that someone or something was going to come bursting in our back door... Soo, I went and woke John up and got the Glock. I NEVER touch the guns... I had to move one of John's rifles to tile the closet, and I hated it. BUT, when he's out of town, or I think someone or something is about to come in the house, it is my best friend.

Anyway, I think John was pretty surprised when I started taking the holster off of it.. he knows I absolutely know how to use them, but this was pretty unusual... I took off out the back door with him on my heels. Hardy made some horrible sound, there was a commotion and we backed off and headed inside. I went out the front door to John's dismay, I'm sure, and we found nothing. We went back to bed, and figured it was Hardy barking at nothing or a rabbit.

10 minutes later.....

More hideous barking. John came through with the gun this time. Still nothing. He decided to go to the side of the house, thinking that something was in the dog house. He came back in and said that Hardy was bleeding and that there was a cat trapped between the house and the air conditioner. Hardy hates cats. Apparently, they hate him.

He ended up with a ripped ear and a few minor cuts on his face. I ran to Walmart to get Betadine and gloves. After two tries, I finally got his ear secured and enough pressure to stop it from bleeding. He was losing a fair amount of blood.

Here are some pictures after his bath, and the first attempt at wrapping up his head...

That didnt go very well, so i tried again.... This one is still on right now, so hopefully it worked!

The first try, I attempted to secure a diaper around his ear and use sports tape to keep it all on. He got that off pretty quickly. He was losing blood fast, so I ended up wrapping his ear in sports tape and then wrapping it around his head. He gave me a hug and thanked me when it was all over, and he gave up trying to get it off :-(

Paused...

I haven't been able to post for the past couple of days, because we made a super-fast trip to C.S. for our Niece's birthday...

We are about to go to Home Depot to get some tile to do our bathrooms, yay! I'll update with pictures of the party later.

Cornerstone....

... I'm going to start building mine. While I am usually kind, I think the normal kindness that I demonstrate might not be enough. Day two IS more challenging, but I am up for it.

I am working on finishing my sixth week of unemployment. Being at home is work in itself. Looking for a job is a job. I have reduced the days that the girls go to school to just Tuesday and Thursday, so that I may have at least a couple of days for interviews. Everyone's story is the same. I was walking through Walmart this morning on a grocery run, and a lady in Electronics said that the only reason she was working there was the fact that she was the product of a layoff. There is a strange kinship among us. It seems we are taking over the majority... or at least we are gravitating together in some odd way. I seem to run into a couple people every place that I go with a similar story as mine. What's scary is that you never know when it will hit. I think I crammed more groceries in my basket than anyone has ever accomplished in the history of grocery cramming. While I have great recruiters working with me and I have an awesome resume' and work history, I am worried about tomorrow. Will John still have his job? What is sad about that is he is doing Loss Mitigation... They have more work than they know what to do with. It is the right economy for that industry.

It was also funny, because I saw two different fire departments there doing their grocery shopping.... I so wanted to ask them if they had watched Fireproof. I am certain they would have thought that I was a lunatic, and they wouldn't have been far off. And even with all of this happening around me, I am so comforted. I still KNOW that we will be fine.

It is FAITH.

GRACE.

Prayer...

It makes you wonder if there is a divine reason for ALL of this. I looked for Fireproof. It was sold out. A Christian movie was sold out. I was blown away. And inspired.

One of these days we will be sitting at dinner and all of our kids will be in college. We will be sipping on margaritas and reflecting... and we will realize what we did right and what we did wrong. Maybe we will end up weathering this without a scar... or maybe they will run deep. But at least for us, I will be sure that our girls are oblivious to the state our nation is in right now. I don't want them to learn this lesson by watching us struggle, but by remembering that we spent more time at home doing cool family stuff than anything else. They don't need to know that the at home part is because of a recession. And, to me, I think it's bordering on depression. I really do. We don't have bread lines, but we have job lines.

I'll be back in the workforce soon. I will miss the fingerpainting on the carpet and walls. I will miss sleeping in with my girls till 8... I will feel guilty about that. But we will be better. We will come out of this stronger. I have faith.

And the greatest of these...

... is love.

Be patient.

Be willing to listen and learn, because you might remember the reason you married him...if you have forgotten. I haven't, but I think some might in this horrible economy. It seems that the two are polar, but they do a strange dance. They are magnetic and repellant... it depends upon the day.

Listen to your husband, and don't reciprocate anything negative. You know, make a promise to yourself to compliment him once a day.

Watch his face.

His reaction will tell you how you have been making him feel. If he flippantly says, "Thanks..".. then he doesn't believe your sincerity. If he looks shocked, then he believes you but can't believe that you complimented something of his. If he reciprocates, you are blessed...

Pray about day two, because it will get harder.

If you haven't figured out what I am reading.... I DARE YOU to try.

Day One.

I dare you.

Pray about it.

Happy Belated Valentine's Day!

So, I have to buy more storage, since I have maxed out every possible photo storage app on the web ;-) I will post updates, blogs and pictures as soon as I find a suitable site or upgrade to more storage today.

The Deception

Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. Therefore it is not surprising if his servants also disguise themselves as servants of righteousness (2 Corinthians 11:14, 15).

Boringly - Blah...

... is the only thing I think of when I see this background and layout...

SO - I am learning ASP.NET for that very reason. Well, several reasons.

First, because I'm a huge nerd.

Second, I am a huge nerd.

Third, (and there is not pattern here at all.. ), because I am the HUGEST nerd.

Ok, so you get the point. I am seriously going to create my own background and facelift up there ^ soon, so I won't have to keep copying canned code. In the nerd world, that literally means ready-made. It is the difference between buying your green beans in a can and having your own garden in your back yard. Well, I guess I want my own garden...

Follow?

If not, simply-stated, I want to learn a little programming to add to my "tool box" of sorts. With the layoff, I have extra time on my hands, of course, and I am going stir-crazy applying for jobs. Eventually, I want to be proficient enough to maybe do some freelance or side work building web pages. For now, I am learning and playing with it, and maybe I'll end up actually publishing something soon... we'll see...

As for the brood, here are a few pictures from the past week...

I averted a small crisis, when I found Daisy at the neighbor's. As that statement suggests, she had escaped the back yard during a potty break, and she was M.I.A. for a few hours. Kayden, however, is none the wiser, because she and John were in C.S. for John's Grandmother's memorial service. She passed last week. Kylee and I were here sick. Kylee ran a 104 by the time I got her her on Friday. I was sick, but I would have had no problem traveling. I fought her fever all Friday night and into Saturday. She still has green boogies oozing from her nose, but I checked her this morning, and her temp. was normal. We'll see how the day goes.

This was during one of her many baths to bring her fever down. You wouldn't have known it by the look on her face. She was just happy to play in the water.

He held up his end of the deal... poop = puppy

So the "deal" was, with no other expressed stipulation(s), that once Kylee was potty-trained, we were allowed to have an inside small dog. Well... I don't have to use any diapers until she takes a nap or it is bedtime. In fact, she is so opposed to diapers now, that she throws a fit when I try to put them on for any reason. She potties in her little potty EVERY time, and she is so proud of herself that she looks about to burst.

Kayden, on the other hand, has been feeling ignored. I figured giving her a puppy would most probably fix that. We have tried to talk to her about it, and she really just wants something to be proud of that is "hers", I think.

So, on Monday, I got up and started searching ads online. I really wanted to adopt from a no-kill, but I didn't want to spend a whole lot of money. The shelters were wanting more than I wanted to spend, so I tried to find a small dog somewhere that wouldn't break the bank and would be fun for the girls to have. I found an ad for rat terriers, and I called the lady, met her, and ended up bringing Daisy home. John came up with her name. Now, I have had a rat terrier. I had a rat named Miller in college, and she was tiny. Daisy has the markings, but she's already about 7 or 8 pounds. I really think that she is mixed with either a large dog or a heeler or something. Her face is broad and her paws make me think she will be somewhere in the 20 pound range. That's fine, though, as long as she's not as big as Hardy and the girls can't hurt her. She's been adjusting well the past couple of days. She's going potty outside, and she's been fun. Here are a few pictures of the girls torturing her... and, Kayden had to get her a pink collar, leash and shirt...

Recession proof.

Well.... things have been turned on their ear in the Harms' household. While we are dealing with the millionth stomach virus and runny noses, those seem like routine happenings at this time of the season.

Friday was a normal day. I was worn out from being sick the previous two weeks. I still don't feel quite "right", but every day my stamina improves. It really isn't bad enough to worry about anymore, it's just become somewhat of a small nuisance.

I got to work later than I wanted to, which was pretty typical. If I didn't get there by 7, I was telling myself I was late, so no big surprise there. I made an extra strong batch of coffee, and settled-in reading email. My boss was technically actually late, which wasn't a big deal. I had been working harder than normal lately (which normal was working harder than most people really have to), and I was finally getting used to dealing with the enormous workload without stressing too much. There was nothing really different about him, except that he wouldn't look me in the eye. I knew this, because I asked about shifting my hours to accomodate Kayden being in private kindergarten starting next August... I was somewhat used to the eye thing. While I think that he has redeeming qualities, I think he was in way over his head, when our V.P. was let go and he had to take her reins. He started in the company as a programmer, and now he was in charge of the entire IT department. In my opinion there are people well-suited for that kind of job, and honestly without any acid in my voice, he was not one of those individuals. Maybe he would have been fantastic in a situation that was structured, but ours was a controlled chaos. Excuse the cliche'.

I get a call at about 9:45 from the HR V.P. asking if I would meet her in the Auditor's conference room. My heart skipped, but the fear that I was avoiding was still safely tucked away in the corner of my mind reserved for survival mode. I walked into the boss' office, and asked what was going on. He made the mistake of looking at me for a half a second, and his face looked as if I had just caught him with his pants down. Might sound silly, but my feeling was that I had caught him in "something"...

Fast forward..... She pushed papers across the table at me for me to look over and sign, and she assured me that the only reason this was happening was strictly for "budgetary reasons". You know, that to me is about as lame as filing for divorce citing "irreconcilable differences". I know that I took a good portion of their skimpy budget, but I was good at what I did. There will be claims paid incorrectly, and there will be software programs that will not work and there will be some very unhappy policy holders. There were many things that I did in the company that only I knew how to do. Apparently, the "budget" was more important. The sour tone is because my boss knew that John had just gotten laid-off in the week before Christmas. He had to think about that. HR said that he struggled really hard with having to make this decision. You know... I ALWAYS take both perspectives in situations, and I like that part of me. But, at some point I have to digress and be human. This stinks. I can't say that I don't understand the decision. Get rid of me and free up a certain portion of the budget, or get rid of two people and free up that same portion. In black and white, it seems like that is the easy choice. If you forget the babies that I have. If you forget the despair that I have been struggling with, because I need to make sure that we are all o.k., after John losing his job. All that aside, it seems ok on paper.

Maybe that's how they had to think of it.

I emailed and asked for a letter of recommendation, and he said "Of course!". Nice consolation prize. I also emailed another coworker that could see how the company put quality second (my expertise). My job was to make sure that the software and data was flawless. To save money, they are going to skip that part now... good luck with that, guys. Anyway, this is what my coworker sent to me:

"Yea, See I hate to say it, but, "I told you so!" It's not worth it. All those nights you worked didn't help your job in the long run. You missed time with your family that you'll never get back. You did that and you're gone. (Name omitted) on the other hand probably doesn't even work 40 hours a week, yet he's still here.
So now what's going to happen is QA will all go back under the BA's and (Name omitted) will be some kind of helper. I'm sure there will be an ego battle going on for a while there. (Name omitted) will continue to be an untouchable island, as he's always been. And it's all because the company thinks QA is optional. The mindset all the way up the management ladder is to just do it "quick and dirty."
I'm really happy you have a sense of peace about all this. The feeling of peace has to be a "God thing". Any other reaction wouldn't come from God. I believe it to my core that sometimes bad stuff happens because God is getting you ready for something better. We can't see into the future, but He can. We just have to trust (which is very hard.)"

I was really blessed to be surrounded by at least one person that I know for sure was bothered by how things were "run" in our department.

I really do have a very strange peace about all of it. I am certain that my health will improve. I'm not sure that I have every experienced the kind of stress that I experienced in that environment. It really was a place that could suck the light out of you. I would always feel like the happy light would always be dimmed when I drove home. I don't think people that work for a live should HAVE to endure that everywhere they work. That is precisely why I steered my career path towards management. I really think that I can at least make an environment that I am in better, at least in the way that I think people should be treated. The people that worked for me were treated like human beings, that's for sure. Do I need to figure out the balance between being fair and a push-over? Yep.

Since Friday, I have applied to about 30 jobs. Something will come along. My experience is pretty diverse. At any rate, I think I will most probably have a longer commute, which is going to be awful. But I will have a job if I have a commute, so I won't allow myself to complain.

The Harms are not recession-proof, but our determination is. If nothing else, we are fighters. We used to fight eachother, then we fought to make it together in the "real" world, and now the fight has turned towards the recession.

Look out. Everything we have ever had to endure together has made us that much stronger. This is just a little gravel in our road.

My mantra: The Lord WILL provide!

This was forwarded by an old co-worker:

To my sisters in the Lord... There comes a time in every woman's life when she has to take a close look at herself. Not at her circumstance, not at what she did, not how unfair life is, or at who made you do it. She has to just look at herself in all her glory and imperfection. Have you ever admired a woman who has been through changes in her life? Or have you made up in your mind that she is just messed up. Before you make this mistake, take a closer look.

A woman who has endured the most unusual life is someone of wi sdom, someone who has been chosen by God to go through things that have made her stronger. Think of all the great women in the Bible: Mary Magdalene, Ruth and Naomi, the woman with an issue of blood, and Esther, to name a few. Mary was a prostitute, a very uneasy woman. But by the time Jesus was done with her, she was His closest follower. Esther was unfortunate in marrying an abusive man, but by the time God was done with her, she had married one of the wealthiest men in the land.

Women are so quick to beat the next one down instead of trying to hold her up. Before you wonder, '? What's up with her?' ask yourself, 'What's up with me?' That woman could be my mother, sister, aunt, in-law, stepmother, niece, grandmother, great-grandmother, neighbor, friend, or co-worker, etc. That woman could be ME. Women are the carriers of life, not the channels of death. Let's build and encourage each other, as did Ruth and Naomi. Pass this to all the women in your life. Encourage and love, forgive and forget, and trust that the woman that receives this will be touched in some way. May the peace and love of Christ be upon you!

Oh, I love poop

... when it is in the perfectly pink little potty that Kylee got for Christmas. She logged her THIRD morning to poop and pee pee in it. YAAAY! I see little puppy paws soon! (This should have been posted yesterday, but I didn't quite make it back to the laptop.)