FREAKING BLADES, DUDE!

I am so flipping excited that I don't know what to do.

I got my blades in last night. I haven't skated in forever, but I want to get back out there. Mostly, because I have the opportunity now, and I just love it. I can't believe I allowed myself to be off the ice this long. It's part of my DNA. I am not joking.

SOOOOO, there is a rink right down the road from my work. I walked in today to ask when the freestyle sessions were. I got to talking to what I have surmised was the coaching or staff manager, and she offered me a job to teach little ones on Tuesday evening and on Saturday afternoon. I won't be paid, but I will get free ice time, and I am IN HEAVEN. I can go skate during lunch, and it will be dead.... meaning, that no one will more than likely be on the ice, but me... every skater's dream. Normally, ice time is 7 dollars every 30 minutes.

The man that will sharpen my blades is supposed to call me today, when he comes in. You can't let just anyone sharpen the type of blades that I have. There is a rocker that would get flattened in the wrong hands, and it would be dangerous for an uneven sharpening.

My hands are shaking. Adrenaline.

I'll be on the ice again, soon. I'll be able to take my girls.

I am working closer to coming full-circle. The fog of my depression gets lighter and lighter to reveal the most beautiful life. I am so grateful. I have been meaning to blog about my depression. I believe that I now, and will from now on, have the upper-hand. I was diagnosed a few years ago as clinically depressed. SURPRISE! that's quite hilarious... it's like "ok, finally... geez"... sometimes it just takes you to hit whatever bottom is for you. Thankfully, it was only emotional, and not physically destructive. Some people aren't so lucky... more about all of that later....

Since then, I have started to come out of the nasty depths of it all and live. It's baby steps, I tell you. Never would I have had the confidence to walk into that place and strike up a conversation with those two women that I chatted with today about skating. Some may say, "uh, yes you would... you talk to everyone".... well, that's the thing. I would have talked and it would have been over and I would have walked out with sharpened skates and that's it. I actually had the confidence to smile and ask questions and laugh.... wow, a genuine laugh is so taken for granted... and I walked out with an opportunity....

I am fired-up. Hopefully, it will work out, and I can take the girls and John skating. They can get to know that part of me. Even John has never seen me skate. I was good, but we'll see how it goes. If nothing else, it's calming.

I also need prayer, and I can't speak of why at the moment. I have been informed that someone I know is going through a horrible time right now, and it will most surely only get worse. So, please, pray for healing and love and life for those that I know and love.

Semantics...

Jesus doesn't give two flips about semantics. I posted on Facebook today that everyone should be happy, and I mean that. It's not hard. It's a choice. Maybe I should say positive. Would that be easier to understand? I get put-off by people that I hear complaining about this and that... I commented to John just the other day that my blisters on my feet hurt, but I was really glad that I had feet to gripe about. I mean, really. If your job sucks, go get a new one. If it takes a while to get a new one, at least you weren't at the one that sucked, right?

If your life sucks, get a new one, or look at yours from a different perspective. Choose for it to be a good life. It is NEVER that bad.

If you feel sorry for yourself, think of the girls in third-world countries that are castrated. Shocking imagery, I know, but geez. What does it take for people to be grateful.

Sound like a rant? I guess it is. I hear too many people being too negative, so I had to rant... and share... and just make a general "grow up, people" statement.

Quick picking on each other. Quit labeling and judging. Who cares if you had to work late. You have a job. Who cares if someone cut you off while you were driving. YOU ARE DRIVING, meaning that you're not blind or paralyzed... whatever it may be... Just relax people.

Life is a blessing. Too many people have been taken from me recently or the threat has been there for me not to have a perspective shift. It was always on the positive side. Want to know where all that comes from? Ask me. I don't talk about it anymore, but it is where all of this positive thinking started.

Life is a choice. All of it is. Choose to be happy or not. I won't list all the synonyms for happy and their connotations and associations, but the point is what matters.

STELLLLAAAAAH

Here's a picture of Stella from this morning. I keep forgetting to upload a picture of her, so here it is.

Cheerleading is a sport. And it's getting scary.

So, I read this article. I cheered in Jr. High and High School, and I was a base. I had guns to prove it. I think the only person that could stunt with me was the guy on our team, Danny. I was heavy.. ugh. Anyway, this article highlights the danger that cheerleaders deal with constantly. We weren't competitive squads, but we did stunts. And, we got hurt. Melinda tore her ACL. Cassie landed tailbone-first on my face and bloodied my nose. In a separate incident, my back cracked and I dropped Melinda during our practice for our Freshman Homecoming cheer. I was taken to the hospital lights and sirens. I think I probably milked the drama, because I was annoying that way, but it really did tear up my back. I had a back brace and muscle relaxers for about six months. I think that was either '93 or '94... I think. Anyway, had to vent. AND, one day I may forget those memories.

I have Kayden in ballet, and Kylee will most-likely follow. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought they would end up cheerleaders, but now this makes me really think!

Anyway, here's the article... I think the person that wrote this is being a little melodramatic, although it's a good article. And, man, I'm glad I'm not that annoying anymore...


http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/31/sports/31cheerleader.html?_r=1

Yet, again, I am brought to my knees this morning, Lord. Please be with the Sullivan family today, and give Brady the strength to be the vessel through which the Lord will teach Chloe to be the servant her Mother was. Please wrap his heart with your grace and love, and surround him with all of the comfort and help his family and friends can muster.

http://bandssullivan.blogspot.com/

I do not personally know Brady, but he graduated after me and I learned of their journey through old friends.

Settling...

My soul seems to be settling a bit. It might sound strange, but I feel like my volume is turning down a little, and I'm listening more intently. Is this what happens when you turn 31? I don't know.

The girls are wonderful, and Kayden is almost 5! She is in private kindergarten at her school, and she is learning the most amazing things... like choo choos blow STEAM! This is how that conversation went...

Kayden: "Mommy, Mommy, listen!"

Me: "What, what..?"

Kayden: "This is important."

Me: "Ok." (Staring at her, as she was moving closer to my face.)

- She stops about an inch from my nose, wide-eyed and very serious.

Kayden: "CHOO-CHOOSSSS!" (Punctuated by a hand gesture of the "aha!" variety"

-pause-

...longer pause....

Kayden: "...blow steam..." in an almost inaudible whisper.

I cracked up. I'm not sure where she got it, but I'm thinking she was feeling pretty goofy, because the three of us girls (Kayden, Kylee and me) shared about a minute of belly-laughs. We then proceeded to name all the things that blow steam; not the least of which was Daddy that ended up being the most humorous of all.

Every moment with those two is becoming more and more hilarious. Lord knows we need the laughs. The past couple of months have been fraught with "ups and downs". I lost someone very important to me. She was instrumental in allowing me to have a normal and happy childhood. She died suddenly two years ago, and I just found out. I have had to grieve quietly. My girls are so in tune with my emotions, so I didn't want them to feel how awfully painful it is for me. It think that grief has been the catalyst for my increased introspection, as of late.

I am really focusing on our little family. Not that I wasn't before the past few months, but it is more pronounced as a priority for me. Sometimes we take the rhythm of life as a "given".... We don't realize that every breath is a gift. I am trying to focus on not missing any of it. It could be gone tomorrow, and I am so thankful for today.

My parents pulled an RV up to the lake this summer, so that they would have a nice place to relax when they visited. Not that out house wasn't relaxing or welcoming, but it's nice to not have kiddos attached to your every move. The four of us went out to the lake one weekend, and we made friends with the locals ;-)








That little white blurb in Kayden's arms is our new Maltese, Stella. She's awesome. The breeder was running a mill, I surmised later, because her ears were pretty dirty and she had urine stains on her paws and face. She has since been pampered and groomed. I had to have her shaved down to the skin, but her new coat is going to be gorgeous. She is sportin' a pink cable-knit sweater right now, but I'll take it off when her coat grows out a little more. It's actually coming in pretty fast. I'll have to post a recent picture, soon. She is about 6 months old now, (still waiting on papers - takes FOREVER), and she will be no bigger than about four or five pounds. Hardy tolerates her between accidentally stepping on her and being chased and nipped all over the place, so we at least are sure he won't eat her haha

Aside from all the family awesomeness, I am running more than I ever have in my life. My longest run is 16 miles, to date. I will be running 18 this weekend, so I need super prayers. I ran around the TAMU campus last weekend, and it was tough. The cool thing was that it was raining and somewhat cool... PERFECT running weather. The marathon is on December 13th, and I am just praying that it all goes well and injury-free. I have started a donation site for Ronald McDonald House Charities. The thought was that I would donate a dollar for every mile that I run, and then I figured why not allow others to donate, as well? So, before the marathon, I am going to try and donate as much as I can, and pray that it helps at least one family a little.

I am REALLY going to try and get back in the swing of blogging.... I want to be sure to remember every moment of this wonderful life ;-)