Well.. that is sort of the question. Last week, my V.P. and I had a "heated" but controlled discussion about an issue that was facing our team. At one point that day, he had tried to find me and couldn't. The people on our team that I manage know that if I am not at my desk, then I am pumping. I take my laptop with me and answer emails immediately. The V.P. usually knows this, but because he's hyper and a little ADD, it frustrated him that he needed to talk to me and didn't want to knock on the door to interrupt. Emailing would mean sitting down and stopping motion... that's hard to accomplish as hyper as he is. IT is a crazy world. SO, I starting thinking that my pumping was starting to become an "issue". He said not to use work as an excuse at all, BUT it's life... I think every pumping career Mom has to face this relative impasse. If I weren't in Management, I think I would be able to continue at the pumping pace that I am going - no problem. The fact that I am on the Management team requires me to be as accessible as I possibly can at all times. Seems it should work the other way, but it doesn't. Kylee needs to start making the transition to more solids anyway, so I have decided to at least cut my production in half. I'm pretty sad about it, but I am just exhausted every day.
Kayden is starting to become a Mommy's girl, and Kylee is of course very high-maintenance right now, so I need all the energy that I can get. Hopefully, I can replace the milk with solid food for her (at least half of it), and I won't necessarily have to put her on formula. Nothing wrong with formula, but if I don't have to buy anything else, that makes all the difference. I have noticed that my body is trying to lose weight, and I am becoming more run-down. It started doing this at about 8 months with Kayden. The only difference with Kayden was that my production dramatically decreased at 8 months, so it was a little easier to make the argument to myself that it was o.k. This time, I think I just have to realize that I'm not the supermom that I want to be. I would love to have two kiddos under 4, have a full time Management job, pump every three hours, work out every day and keep a pristine house, all while making sure that my third adult "child" is happy, BUT - I'm just not sure I can do it all. I think I'll have more energy if I at least cut my production in half, and I will for sure feel more freedom. The key to all of it is doing it and not getting sick again. Other than that, I think it will be more emotional for me than for her..... ANYWAY
We had the Harms' Christmas this weekend. It's pretty cool that this was my last year as a wanna-be. We had a great time, and the girls played so much. Kylee was an angel and everyone loved her :-) Here are some pictures from the weekend:
We were riding in the back of Shelley's Tahoe, and Papa drove everyone and the kids to go see Santa's Wonderland.
This is the car that we are going to use to drive between our church and reception during our wedding!
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