My background should no longer be black.

...but it has been. And this blog has been silent. For a year. Funny, that I feel the need to blog again, after a year... Seasons of life, I guess.

The girls are 7 and 4 1/2. I have read back through some of my previous posts, and I'm so glad they are there. I feel like now I've lost a year of that. I'm going to try and not do the same this year.

As usual, a lot has happened in this year. 2011. I got my dream job. I work for Disney. It's as magical as one would imagine. It takes genius to make the magic. I am just helping the genius.. I am not said genius. I will say that I am blown away by the complexity and intensity of this job. Lord, help me keep up.

John has made me a hunting widow this week. Miley had surgery twice this month, and she has also earned her way out of our family. She snapped at Hardy over food. Kylee was in the way, and her knee was bleeding. She's going to find a new family to love. She is awesome. I pray that they realize that.

So the stats on the girls... Kayden is in First Grade. Kylee is home with me every day, and she is so smart. I am amazed by the two of them. I had no idea that I would ever make something so beautiful, and that it would be so perfect. Twice.

It's hard to summarize a year, you know? My photography is gradually growing, also. I was commissioned to do and sold an album to a firm decorating the inside of the Applebees that will be built down the road... whoa. I fell into that one. She Googled, found me, loved my work and called. I'm proud of it, but it's fleeting. I have to do a bigger and better project.. Always pushing...

Kayden is on a select softball team and is in voice. She is doing well with both...

Kylee is going to be a vet. No doubt. She is so loving and caring. She wears her heart outside of her body. She really is a little angel.

Sleep is calling. Pixie dust needs to be refueled (that's what they call it at work, when you are happy about anything Disney..), so I'm out. But, nice to see you again, blog world. I'll try to do this every day.. again... love. blessings and be nice to each other.

Haven't posted in ages. A lot of things have happened in the Harms family. We've done some inventory, and we are stronger, better and happier. This has been the worst and best year of our lives. We're starting over and it's great. The problem is that there are some around us that think they know better, and are negative.

I can't stand negative people. I think they make me angry. I'm at a point in my life, where I could care less about what people think. I certainly need to vent that, and this is the only constructive way I could think of. Funny.

I think, since we have a good thing going with the reconstruction of the Harms' household, I need to reconstruct my friends and family circle. The family that I am supposed to have has done it to me, so I will do it to them. I used to try and ignore the fact that some "family" was blatantly rude, but I won't anymore. If you leave me out, I will stop wasting energy on you. If you would like to give your two cents,then you better pay the entire bill. You all think you live in glass houses, so start throwing stones all you want.

Furious? Yes. Is it because I am growing up or something and becoming centered? Probably some of that and some exhaustion.

Anyway, I am running three marathons this season. I'm excited. I'll make sure to write about the craziness.

For now, have a Happy Halloween.

Crazy Month

This month has felt nuts. The girls are great. Kayden is having sporadic growing pains. Rubbing her legs and putting her in a warm bath seems to temporarily help. She usually wakes up in the middle of the night, and the cramps are so bad that she cries :-(. She's a tough kiddo, so I'm sure it hurts. I remember my growing pains being terrible, and John had horrible growing pains. She's eating a ton, and she really has the cutest sassy little personality. My favorite thing about her is that she has a huge heart. Last night, she kept saying that she didn't want Kylee to sleep in her room with her, and that she wanted to sleep in her bed by herself. No more than 10 minutes after she was in her room, she came out and asked Kylee if she was going to be quiet if she let her sleep in her room. Of course Kylee said she would, and Kayden asked her to come and sleep with her. I LOVE how much they love each other.

Kylee is talking a blue streak. She really has been speaking in sentences for about a year or more, but she really is funny now. I got up this morning, and she said "Now, why are you getting up?", and she turned her little hand up and cocked her head to the side. She's shy about talking around other people, and she even takes a LONG time to warm up to family. Finally, all of her teeth have cut her gums. I think the only ones that are not actually "in" are her top teeth after her canines. Not having all her teeth all the way in certainly doesn't stop her from eating. Her favorite thing to eat ALL the time is a Honey Bun. She calls them "Honey Bunnies". We slowly but steadily have weaned her off of her sippy cup. She doesn't need to drink anything to go to sleep at night, and I (and my dentist bill) am grateful for that. She's now drinking out of a big girl cup all of the time, and she doesn't have a problem with it at all. Whew.

Both girls wear "night time panties" a.k.a. pull-ups at night. I'm not sure why Kayden still has accidents. At this point if we remind her to use the restroom before she goes to bed and during the night, she usually doesn't have an accident. I still have her wear her night time panties at night, though. If not, my washer and dryer would get a workout! Kylee is still wearing them at night, but there have been quite a few nights that she wakes up dry lately. Maybe there IS light at the end of the potty tunnel!

Kayden is getting to where she loves to pick out her own clothes, and if I were to have picked out the same thing, she wouldn't wear it ;-). Echoes of my childhood and teenage years, for sure. I don't mind at all, though. She needs to have the freedom to figure out her own little style. Pretty neat.


John went and got a physical, and everything came out fine. I was surprised, I have to say, because of how much he smokes. I'm glad he's so healthy.

As for me, I ran my marathon. It was the most incredible experience. The last quarter of the race forces you to dig deep into who you are as a person. Training or not, at that point it is up to you and God. It is spiritual, for sure. Your legs are done. They have made the transition from tired to exhausted to numb to shear pain. Every step tests what you are "made of". It's not for the weak of mind, that's for sure. You have to override the natural instinct to protect yourself and stop running. When I finished, the first thing I wanted to do was plan my next marathon. I'm in recovery right now, and my first recovery run will be today. I need to strengthen my hamstrings. That group of three muscles is really the only group that was killing me in the days after. I highly recommend that everyone tries to complete a marathon at some point. The life lessons learned in that 3 to 4 hours are invaluable, and there is no way to describe it.



So that brings me to Christmas. I. Can't. WAIT! Kayden is getting a DSi this year, and she is going to freak out. It was a last-minute thing that she asked for. In fact, we didn't realize she was serious about it until this picture that John took of the white board in her class room:

A Reminder

Romans 5:1-11

Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. (2) Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of highest privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. (3) We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they are good for us---they help us learn to endure. (4) And endurance develops strength of character in us, and character strengthens our confident expectation of salvation. (5) And this expectation will not disappoint us. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with His love. (6) When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. (7) Now, no one is likely to die for a good person, though someone might be willing to die for a person who is especially good. (8) But God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. (9) And since we have been made right in God's sight by the blood of Christ, He will certainly save us from God's judgment. (10) For since we were restored to friendship with God by the death of His Son while we were still His enemies, we will certainly be delivered from eternal punishment by His life. (11) So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God---all because of what our Lord Jesus Christ has done for us in making us friends of God.

I saw BELLA!

Kelli made the outfit she is wearing. I got to hold her, too, neee ner nee ner! The hospital was taking pictures when I walked in, so the timing couldn't have been perfect for me to take a few of my own. We're going to go back tonight with the girls to see her, again. She is beautiful, Mr. and Mrs. Thompson, just beautiful :-)

The "C word".

My new Brother-in-Law, Jason, has cancer. It is one stage away from aggressive. I have all the faith in the world that he will beat this. Please say a prayer.

Saturday Morning

Today is a good day :-) I have my little urchins destroying the house, and Dora chanting to me about sticky tape. It's chilly outside and I'm drinking coffee. We're discussing what everyone needs to be for Halloween, between eating french toast and feeding Stella pretzels. She, by the way, will be a lady bug.

We are going to go on a costume-finding mission today. John is hunting, so we pretty much can do what we want. I am also going to try and get Kayden's bed moved into the middle bedroom. Her room is going to be pink, black and white... not really Paris-y or Poodle-y, but it should turn out how she wants. I'll have to post pictures of the finished product. We got her a flat screen for her birthday, and that room has the U Verse. So, I'm going to work on the parental controls on the tv and some wall painting... today... I think.

Kayden can count, or "skip count" as she says, by 5s and 10s. Even though her teacher doesn't impress me, she's learning. Kylee is learning how to be a bully. I'm thinking it has to do with the fact that she's one of three girls in a room of 12 kiddos. Hopefully, it's not her nature and it will go away... girlfriend and I will have to go toe-to-toe!

I mounted my blades to my boots last week, but didn't go and have them sharpened. The man that is doing it is a coach and Southwestern Regionals are at his rink. I figured I'd give him the duration of the competition and then bug the heck out of him.

Kayden had her 5th birthday party at the bowling alley last weekend, and it was a hit!

She got tons of clothes, the flat screen I mentioned, Barbie stuff and I think one or two Hannah Montana things... it was hard to keep track. She had a Bratz cake, which was random. She's not a Bratz fan, so I think it was because there were cute little girly toys on it. Here are some pictures.... I can't believe we own a 5-year-old. She's a rock star.

FREAKING BLADES, DUDE!

I am so flipping excited that I don't know what to do.

I got my blades in last night. I haven't skated in forever, but I want to get back out there. Mostly, because I have the opportunity now, and I just love it. I can't believe I allowed myself to be off the ice this long. It's part of my DNA. I am not joking.

SOOOOO, there is a rink right down the road from my work. I walked in today to ask when the freestyle sessions were. I got to talking to what I have surmised was the coaching or staff manager, and she offered me a job to teach little ones on Tuesday evening and on Saturday afternoon. I won't be paid, but I will get free ice time, and I am IN HEAVEN. I can go skate during lunch, and it will be dead.... meaning, that no one will more than likely be on the ice, but me... every skater's dream. Normally, ice time is 7 dollars every 30 minutes.

The man that will sharpen my blades is supposed to call me today, when he comes in. You can't let just anyone sharpen the type of blades that I have. There is a rocker that would get flattened in the wrong hands, and it would be dangerous for an uneven sharpening.

My hands are shaking. Adrenaline.

I'll be on the ice again, soon. I'll be able to take my girls.

I am working closer to coming full-circle. The fog of my depression gets lighter and lighter to reveal the most beautiful life. I am so grateful. I have been meaning to blog about my depression. I believe that I now, and will from now on, have the upper-hand. I was diagnosed a few years ago as clinically depressed. SURPRISE! that's quite hilarious... it's like "ok, finally... geez"... sometimes it just takes you to hit whatever bottom is for you. Thankfully, it was only emotional, and not physically destructive. Some people aren't so lucky... more about all of that later....

Since then, I have started to come out of the nasty depths of it all and live. It's baby steps, I tell you. Never would I have had the confidence to walk into that place and strike up a conversation with those two women that I chatted with today about skating. Some may say, "uh, yes you would... you talk to everyone".... well, that's the thing. I would have talked and it would have been over and I would have walked out with sharpened skates and that's it. I actually had the confidence to smile and ask questions and laugh.... wow, a genuine laugh is so taken for granted... and I walked out with an opportunity....

I am fired-up. Hopefully, it will work out, and I can take the girls and John skating. They can get to know that part of me. Even John has never seen me skate. I was good, but we'll see how it goes. If nothing else, it's calming.

I also need prayer, and I can't speak of why at the moment. I have been informed that someone I know is going through a horrible time right now, and it will most surely only get worse. So, please, pray for healing and love and life for those that I know and love.

Semantics...

Jesus doesn't give two flips about semantics. I posted on Facebook today that everyone should be happy, and I mean that. It's not hard. It's a choice. Maybe I should say positive. Would that be easier to understand? I get put-off by people that I hear complaining about this and that... I commented to John just the other day that my blisters on my feet hurt, but I was really glad that I had feet to gripe about. I mean, really. If your job sucks, go get a new one. If it takes a while to get a new one, at least you weren't at the one that sucked, right?

If your life sucks, get a new one, or look at yours from a different perspective. Choose for it to be a good life. It is NEVER that bad.

If you feel sorry for yourself, think of the girls in third-world countries that are castrated. Shocking imagery, I know, but geez. What does it take for people to be grateful.

Sound like a rant? I guess it is. I hear too many people being too negative, so I had to rant... and share... and just make a general "grow up, people" statement.

Quick picking on each other. Quit labeling and judging. Who cares if you had to work late. You have a job. Who cares if someone cut you off while you were driving. YOU ARE DRIVING, meaning that you're not blind or paralyzed... whatever it may be... Just relax people.

Life is a blessing. Too many people have been taken from me recently or the threat has been there for me not to have a perspective shift. It was always on the positive side. Want to know where all that comes from? Ask me. I don't talk about it anymore, but it is where all of this positive thinking started.

Life is a choice. All of it is. Choose to be happy or not. I won't list all the synonyms for happy and their connotations and associations, but the point is what matters.

STELLLLAAAAAH

Here's a picture of Stella from this morning. I keep forgetting to upload a picture of her, so here it is.

Cheerleading is a sport. And it's getting scary.

So, I read this article. I cheered in Jr. High and High School, and I was a base. I had guns to prove it. I think the only person that could stunt with me was the guy on our team, Danny. I was heavy.. ugh. Anyway, this article highlights the danger that cheerleaders deal with constantly. We weren't competitive squads, but we did stunts. And, we got hurt. Melinda tore her ACL. Cassie landed tailbone-first on my face and bloodied my nose. In a separate incident, my back cracked and I dropped Melinda during our practice for our Freshman Homecoming cheer. I was taken to the hospital lights and sirens. I think I probably milked the drama, because I was annoying that way, but it really did tear up my back. I had a back brace and muscle relaxers for about six months. I think that was either '93 or '94... I think. Anyway, had to vent. AND, one day I may forget those memories.

I have Kayden in ballet, and Kylee will most-likely follow. Somewhere in the back of my mind I thought they would end up cheerleaders, but now this makes me really think!

Anyway, here's the article... I think the person that wrote this is being a little melodramatic, although it's a good article. And, man, I'm glad I'm not that annoying anymore...


http://www.nytimes.com/2007/03/31/sports/31cheerleader.html?_r=1

Yet, again, I am brought to my knees this morning, Lord. Please be with the Sullivan family today, and give Brady the strength to be the vessel through which the Lord will teach Chloe to be the servant her Mother was. Please wrap his heart with your grace and love, and surround him with all of the comfort and help his family and friends can muster.

http://bandssullivan.blogspot.com/

I do not personally know Brady, but he graduated after me and I learned of their journey through old friends.

Settling...

My soul seems to be settling a bit. It might sound strange, but I feel like my volume is turning down a little, and I'm listening more intently. Is this what happens when you turn 31? I don't know.

The girls are wonderful, and Kayden is almost 5! She is in private kindergarten at her school, and she is learning the most amazing things... like choo choos blow STEAM! This is how that conversation went...

Kayden: "Mommy, Mommy, listen!"

Me: "What, what..?"

Kayden: "This is important."

Me: "Ok." (Staring at her, as she was moving closer to my face.)

- She stops about an inch from my nose, wide-eyed and very serious.

Kayden: "CHOO-CHOOSSSS!" (Punctuated by a hand gesture of the "aha!" variety"

-pause-

...longer pause....

Kayden: "...blow steam..." in an almost inaudible whisper.

I cracked up. I'm not sure where she got it, but I'm thinking she was feeling pretty goofy, because the three of us girls (Kayden, Kylee and me) shared about a minute of belly-laughs. We then proceeded to name all the things that blow steam; not the least of which was Daddy that ended up being the most humorous of all.

Every moment with those two is becoming more and more hilarious. Lord knows we need the laughs. The past couple of months have been fraught with "ups and downs". I lost someone very important to me. She was instrumental in allowing me to have a normal and happy childhood. She died suddenly two years ago, and I just found out. I have had to grieve quietly. My girls are so in tune with my emotions, so I didn't want them to feel how awfully painful it is for me. It think that grief has been the catalyst for my increased introspection, as of late.

I am really focusing on our little family. Not that I wasn't before the past few months, but it is more pronounced as a priority for me. Sometimes we take the rhythm of life as a "given".... We don't realize that every breath is a gift. I am trying to focus on not missing any of it. It could be gone tomorrow, and I am so thankful for today.

My parents pulled an RV up to the lake this summer, so that they would have a nice place to relax when they visited. Not that out house wasn't relaxing or welcoming, but it's nice to not have kiddos attached to your every move. The four of us went out to the lake one weekend, and we made friends with the locals ;-)








That little white blurb in Kayden's arms is our new Maltese, Stella. She's awesome. The breeder was running a mill, I surmised later, because her ears were pretty dirty and she had urine stains on her paws and face. She has since been pampered and groomed. I had to have her shaved down to the skin, but her new coat is going to be gorgeous. She is sportin' a pink cable-knit sweater right now, but I'll take it off when her coat grows out a little more. It's actually coming in pretty fast. I'll have to post a recent picture, soon. She is about 6 months old now, (still waiting on papers - takes FOREVER), and she will be no bigger than about four or five pounds. Hardy tolerates her between accidentally stepping on her and being chased and nipped all over the place, so we at least are sure he won't eat her haha

Aside from all the family awesomeness, I am running more than I ever have in my life. My longest run is 16 miles, to date. I will be running 18 this weekend, so I need super prayers. I ran around the TAMU campus last weekend, and it was tough. The cool thing was that it was raining and somewhat cool... PERFECT running weather. The marathon is on December 13th, and I am just praying that it all goes well and injury-free. I have started a donation site for Ronald McDonald House Charities. The thought was that I would donate a dollar for every mile that I run, and then I figured why not allow others to donate, as well? So, before the marathon, I am going to try and donate as much as I can, and pray that it helps at least one family a little.

I am REALLY going to try and get back in the swing of blogging.... I want to be sure to remember every moment of this wonderful life ;-)

Well, certainly I didn't think it would take THIS long...

... to get back into the swing of blogging. A TON has been going on, and I really think this is the first chance I have had to sit and do nothing... or sort of nothing. I mean, what kind of Mom would I be if I weren't multi-tasking five things, right? Nothing means that I'm making coffee, mac 'n cheese, mashed potatoes, cleaning the kitchen, blogging and uploading... realatively, though, that IS nothing.

So the girls have been sick for the past two days, and they finally took me down with them last night. Kylee is fine, but Kayden's temp is still running a little high today. High for her is 99.5. I think her basal is around 97. Ironically, this is the first weekend that we have been at home in at least a month, so naturally God would force us to relax by being sick, right? Nice. Anyway, at least we get to be here together and relax. And I can catch up on laundry. And clean. And mop. And scrub toilets. But, whatever.

We have been training for a marathon now for about four months. This is the schedule. We are on week 17, so I am running 4 today and 10 tomorrow. I should have been running 10 today, but I had to push it back, since it's not the smartest thing to run with fever. It's interesting what the human body can tolerate. 10 miles might seem horrendous, but it's just a matter of training. Anyone can do it that has even the slightest of motivation. Well, I have been told that I am a running freak, so I guess my take on motivation is relative. We are about to start the "real" schedule. I think the longest we'll have to run is 22 or 23 miles, and the culmination of all of this punishment will be hopefully finishing the White Rock Marathon. I'm excited. I'm not sure that John knew what he was getting into by agreeing to run this with me, but my sneaky plan of hoping it will induce him to slow down on smoking is working slightly. He is still smoking, but he's smoking lites now. Not that lites are really any better, but I'll take every baby step I can get. It's starting to kick him in the butt, whenW we run longer than five miles.

I've also realized that I have Amazon feet. Apparently, for each of your first two children, your foot gains half of a size. I am wearing big shoes. I was wearing a whole size too small for a couple of years it seems, so I am now literally investing in the right running shoes. My shoes also only last me around 300 miles, before my knees start screaming, which is two or three months, give or take. I have a Garmin, a Camelbak, a 4 to 1 carb to protein ratio drink and a stick. Who knew it took so much gear to train for a marathon. It's so worth it, though.

We don't really drink anymore for several reasons. How many partying married couples actually make it? A few, but not the majority. That was the primary reason. The effects of that decision have been multi-fold. Weight loss, energy, productiveness, health, blah blah... I also don't think it would help the training very much. Some of our friends have a hard time understanding, but it's just a decision for us. It's not something that will become an imposition by any means. We could care less what other couples do. I had a glass of wine at Dave and Della's reception, and I woke up hungover the next morning. I don't think my body likes it all that much! We're still fun without it... in fact probably more fun, so it's not something for anyone else to waste time stressing about. We can be around everyone else drinking and it doesn't matter. I think some of our couple friends will understand at some point. I think everyone gets there...

I will add a couple more posts today... One after I get the girls to take a nap, and one after my run, I'm hoping...

Hola.

I have now returned to the blogging world, after an unintended hiatus. I will be posting pics and updates soon. I forgot the dumb camera cable at home, so I can't get anything uploaded right now.

How we roll...

The Daddy Roll
The Mommy Roll
The Toddler Roll
The Big Girl Roll

Blogging via Blackberry... Seriously. Tech stuff makes me giddy. I'm dangerously close to chronic geekdom.

Lunacy.

I think the woman that wrote the article attached to the URL below is a complete lunatic. I would have to go a re-read the entire article again to be sure that I disagree with everything she says, but I think it would piss me off too much. Seriously.

How do you quantify the level of love that you have for your children and husband and dare to compare the two? Those two loves are so polar and yet so visceral it's dangerous to let the two inter-mingle. I will say that I would destroy anyone that even alluded to harming my children in any way, and anyone includes my husband. It's not personal; it's instinctual. However, to think that my husband would even be in that group of "anyone" is absurd. He is phenomenal.

Back to my fury.

Condoms in the bathroom? Why don't you just sit down with "The Joy of Sex" and read it with an outstretched arm to be sure that they take in the pictures. Pan to the right and then to the left to display every angle. Insanity.

I understand being open. I understand wanting to have a great relationship with your kids. I just don't think that counting the number of missing condoms in the bathroom is making the type of connection that is healthy. It's lazy to express the very least of my exasperation at that whole parenting theory.

As a wife, on the other hand, I love my husband unconditionally. I do not withhold showing him precisely how much, based upon how many dishes he washes or how many times he vacuums.

I usually don't comment or blog about articles that I have read. I certainly don't pay much attention to editorials, but this one just blew me away.

See for yourself:

http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1896848,00.html